Conversation is exercise of the mind..

Gossip is simply exercise of the tongue. 

If you didn’t see it with your eyes it shouldn’t be coming out of your mouth (~~,)

I personally think this is good advice!

A friend recently posted this on her profile and I sent her a private message relating to this.

Instead of my reading and interpreting the entire text, as one, I read the first two sentences and agreed….. but went in another direction entirely with the last one – by mistake! … and to my detriment! (This was because at a fellowship meeting last week this had come up for discussion and my mind immediately went to that …. afternoon.)  Does this make sense?

I sent the message to her saying that I agreed with her message, but felt that she should be careful with the last part  ‘If you didn’t see it with your eyes, it shouldn’t be coming our of your mouth’   ‘as ‘baby christians’  (new in their faith) haven’t seen Jesus with their own eyes and yet they believe in Jesus through faith and preach His word!

It was only when she responded to me that I realised the mistake I had made and interpreted her as being hurt/upset by what I had said to her – by her response.

This was her reply:

Quote:  ” I don’t think anyone ……….  is immature enough (by age) to read this out of context, and misunderstand the intention of my heart….unless they truly *WANTED. I have never done anything that would cause another to stumble.  *When we look for the tiniest thing we usually find it, don’t we Debra?

It was *this that threw me ….. I was taken aback.

I truly didn’t mean anything untoward and I wasn’t looking for anything and my intention is/was only to walk in kindness and love.  If I had made a mistake (isn’t the correct word for this …..?)  and wasn’t aware of it, I would appreciate it if a friend would ‘talk to me about it and not take it as a reprimand.   …..

I immediately asked her for her forgiveness and told her it was not my intention to upset or hurt her!

Her response was that there was nothing to forgive and she wasn’t offended.

I was pleased about this!

I thought this was over and finished and then I read this (below), written by a ‘third person and many other ‘words from different people’.

What it comes down to, is grown women who are clinging to their lost youth, with an incessant need to control others. What she is, is a self-appointed ………. Sheriff or plainly put, a modern day Pharisee. Telling others what to do and how to do it. She goes and tousles with the nicest, sweetest person ……….., Why? What for? Jealousy? Lost Youth?

 (How on earth did this incident get to the stage above?)

I just want to state once again, that it was NOT my intention to upset or hurt anyone and as a mature christian woman should have thought and chosen my words more carefully.

The only reason I am putting this on my blog is to emphasise how important it is to‘think’ before we speak…… and I am certainly talking to MYSELF here.  We as a people, hurt others unintentionally!

My Question:  Did I really …. commit such a bad deed? The person ‘I thought’ I had offended said I didn’t offend her yet everyone else is totally peeved off ?

… What are your thoughts?  I would like to learn from this and definitely not make the same mistake again !!

James 3:1-12

New International Version – UK (NIVUK)

Taming the Tongue
Verse 2 …. We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.

11 Responses to “Forgiveness”
  1. As always, you share such vital lessons! I sometimes have to remember to forgive is key to preventing resentment!

  2. Marie Noelle says:

    Your post is so wise… A lot to think about!

  3. Alex says:

    WOW! That really stinks that what you said seemed to be taken out of context. If I were you I would just drop it. Like you said you are a mature woman these women do not seem to be & they are just looking to stir something up.

  4. Meghann says:

    My personal opinion: You have obviously apologized and learned a lesson for what was said and done. To continue on your mature, Christian woman walk, I would ignore the rest and move on.If others let immaturity and pettiness pull them down, so be it. Let them talk. You can not be held responsible for their actions. Keep your chin up, keep to your business and watch your steps. You walk your path and let them walk theirs. 🙂

  5. Debra says:

    Michael Brian Dumisani Lockett 09 June at 10:28 Report Mother dearest. Wise sage of this age. I think you were fine in all you said and did and that many of what is meant is lost in translation because of the medium you used. Mainly…text. It conveys no tone, meaning or emotion. Which is why it is easy to get "mixed up" or miss what the person is saying entirely based on your own miss/pre conceptions of whatever the topic at hand is. Or if you had a bad day, or ate something off. We are a mix of chemicals and therefore emotion. When it comes to women you are generally more complex than men in this regard as well as the fact that insecurity, though not more prevalent, does show more openly in women as I think you are more conscious of it/them. So , again. I think you were fine and not out of line in anyway, but then again, I know you and your heart and your intentions. I don't really need the other verbal, body language communicators etc, because I have most of my life as reference. Hope that helped. Love you xxx

  6. Debra says:

    Anonymous 08 June at 23:37 Report Just read yr blog. All I can say is, u can only control your own responses. It's the next person's responsibility to control their's. As a total outsider, it sounds as if she was offended – not so much by WHAT u said, but THAT u said it; in other words, she feels superior as a "mature christian". Personally I hate that term, because the very people who shud be mature are the ones who react immaturely – the present situation being the perfect example. Maturity, to me, implies the ability to be like a little child, and learn from anyone and anything. Because true maturity realizes that the more u know, the less u learn.

  7. Debra says:

    Thank you for your comments everyone.I read this yesterday, and its 'spot on'.As a mature christian, I have missed the mark so many times; in my thoughts – in my speech – in my actions and I seem to have but one kind of prayer.''Dear God forgiveness and your grace enough to begin again!'' God Bless everyone xx

  8. Anonymous says:

    Unfortunately as I am not a believer due to some very personal circumstances, but I am a very close and dear friend (religion has no boundaries supposedly) I would say that words can be taken out of context as you cannot hear the spoken word intonation. A friend is always a friend no matter what water passes under those respective bridge over troubled waters. Water still flows, it always does, it always will and sometimes it can be muddied, sometimes it seems unclear or the flow lessens a little or is in full rage. If like a dam, you make efforts to stem the flow, then that is all you can do. Even as a non believer based on my belief, experiences and conviction, then the way we make our seas, rivers, streams (or trickles!) flow is ultimately down to us.. Debs has been right from the beginning of my new "river" journey, the catalyst for my arid river bed to become a natural happy river again flowing the way in which I now am navigating. Heres to Debs and her youthful outlook on life which she is willing to share with others and bring back their long forgotten sparkle… thank you.

  9. Debra says:

    Thank you my 'anonymous' friend for your honesty and lovely sentiments! xx Friends forever xx

  10. Margueritte says:

    My take on this is that sometimes people say, "It's okay, I'm not offended." when in fact, they are. The grown up thing is to own up and say that you don't agree, discuss it like adults, come to an agreement or agree to disagree. But sometimes people say that they're not offended and share their "hurt" feelings with others who feel it's their duties to act on behalf of the offended party. If only people can be honest with each other, and give each other a second chance, we would all get on!! Sadly, not everyone can be honest about their feelings.Keep up the good work, Debra! xxx

  11. Debra says:

    Thank you for your encouragement everyone!

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